Saturday, February 21, 2009
Say Yes to No
Above my monitor is a cut-up post-it note on which I've written the words What do I really want? It is a focusing device, to remind myself to ask what is most important in that very moment -- and then do it.
It is the same message I draw from reading Greg Cootsona's book SAY YES TO NO: USING THE POWER OF NO TO CREATE THE BEST IN LIFE, WORK, AND LOVE. This is an important book. For one thing, Cootsona is not your ordinary self-help author. He is a minister, and his faith underscores all his wisdom. After a deeply-personal introduction, in which he lays bare his brush with death as a young man because of the stress in his life, he opens the book describing Michelangelo's carving of the magnificent statue David -- chipping away the marble that wasn't David. Saying no, in other words, to what doesn't work in the ultimate vision. Powerful stuff. Cootsona also weaves in jazz -- saying no to chaos -- and author Anne Lamott's luxuriating in "big, round hours."
The minister addresses all this technology -- email, TV, iPods. Distractions, all. One of the writers in my Workshop was feeling stressed by all the emails pouring in while she was struggling to write her book on deadline. Chuck Palahniuk kindly suggested turning off the emails, and writing first thing in the day. She did -- and has been flying! Back to smiling and bringing in fresh and brilliant chapters every week. The week I was in Barcelona recording interviews for my podcast A DAY IN THE LIFE AT ESADE on MBA Podcaster.com, I left my phone off -- because I knew the cell phone charges would be prohibitive -- and I checked it only twice a day. Ironically, I discovered a greater gift than lower phone costs -- I felt so relaxed! But, have I instituted similar discipline since I've been home? Mmmm, not yet.
But I will.
I feel a shift -- it's related to integrity, a full chapter in Cootsona's book. I say yes to just about everything. It's a habit. I grew up being afraid to say no, and then I just wanted to please, and now it's a habit. Actually, dig deeper, Diana. It is not valuing myself enough. I never thought of it quite like that -- and now this book comes along at the right time to flesh out this nascent concept.
Cootsona tells the story behind sincerity. When the ancient Romans patched chips in the marble statues with wax, the sculptures looked great -- until the sun melted the wax. Consequently, those of greater integrity would be repaired without wax -- sine meaning without, and cera, meaning wax. The stamp of a successful life -- integrity and sincerity.
One more concept from this brilliant paperback -- take a day of rest. Cootsona pulls a phrase from a book on home design "Edit what you have." And the minister likens that to a Sabbath -- decide what things and people really matter to you, what is essential, and edit out the rest.
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